Over the last month I've been salt and peppered by my friends and family with several phrases in the "Are you excited!?" category as well as the "I'm so jealous!" bunch. My response has been sad, even to me. Though I yearned to be excited since the moment it was official, the truth is- I wasn't. You know that magic feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you are about to hop a plane to NYC or walk through the turnstile of a football stadium? Yeah, it wasn't there and after a couple of months of waiting, I was pretty sure it got lost in the mail.
I knew this push out of my comfort zone would take more than just a regular rally, but I expected the exhaustion of moving (packing, shipping, unpacking, furnishing, finding and starting a new job, etc.) to be balanced by the unbelievable awesomeness of living in paradise. Yet, somehow, it's hasn't been balancing out. I know what you're thinking, "Waa!”
Thankfully, today I am happy to report I felt something! Just a little movement, like one of those rumbles in the middle of the night that could have been either a Mac truck cruising by, or minor earthquake; but something definitely shifted. Finally!
I woke up at 5am and headed to Kailua Beach for Hawaii Adventure Boot Camp, as is my new routine. Though it's dark when we start, it's about 80 degrees which makes it surprisingly bearable to get up and out the door. I wish I could explain the sensation of a warm sea breeze rustling through the palm trees as you lay on your yoga mat doing sit ups under Orion's Belt. Or finishing your stretching while watching the sun rise proudly from the middle of the ocean! I double dog dare anyone to hate boot camp in these conditions. You couldn’t. Even if you wanted to. And yes, for all of you who know I am so NOT a morning person, the 5am wake-up call is a discipline I am learning to make friends with again. (I would say we aren't quite dating yet, just friends, but hopefully it turns into more, lol.) Thanks be to all mighty cheer camp for instilling the "I don't care how tired and sore you are-you will be smiling and you will be in a good mood before the sun comes up" attitude that I summon each morning when I reach for my face wash to brush my teeth?
At any rate, this morning I finished up boot camp, and let my sister take the car home so I could walk along the beach, alerting barefoot runners of wayward bees on the sand, but mainly just trying to have a moment and let it all soak in. About an hour into the walk, I finally let myself relax enough to let it wash over me. It- being that feeling of reverence and gratitude for all things spiritual which are both known and, more so, unknown to us. I figured if I couldn't force myself to be EXCITED...then I could at least allow myself to be grateful; grateful for all the things that had to come together, like a symphony, to make this happen. From being (1) laid-off, to (2) visiting Hawaii and (3) making friends with two outstanding Marines from MCBH, then (4) finding and reading my grandfathers WWII love letters to my grandmother and (5) deciding that I wanted to have a job that was somehow related to supporting the troops and planning events, to (6) actually finding that exact job at Forest City on the USMC base in Kaneohe, and (7) having a total stranger reply to my sister's Facebook request looking for a contact at aforementioned company, to (8) my landlord making an exception to the no subletting clause in my lease, to (9) my sister needing a roommate and finding a beautiful place for us to live in Kailua, to (10) truly getting hired by Forest City. I am basking in a sense of awe and gratefulness this morning, not to mention a little bit of "good girl you actually did it!!"
About 30 minutes away from home and a half a coffee left, I had one other thought that I’ll share with you. It’s not often I take a minute to think about how short life is, and what I want out of it, because somehow I find that depressing. Usually I just try and get my errands done, and make each day as stress free as possible, but today I had a feeling of –gosh, life is short, and I SO want mine to count! Now, my “counting” might not look like yours in that I don’t have an urgent need to save the planet, or discover a cure for cancer (although, no doubt, those would both be great) I just really want to soak in my one term on this planet. I want it to be rich in experiences, rich in love, rich in memories and rich in joy and laughter. As far as I know we only live once, at least that I am aware of, and I plan on savoring the hell out of this life-as if it were a big, fat, juicy piece of Fred! (I highly recommend clicking on the link, lest you get the wrong idea!)
Life is served, folks. Get it while it's hot!
I really like and admire how you are LIVING your live and daring to leave the comfort zone to follow your dreams.
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